Phermoans

Okay, okay...

So I was a little hot yesterday but I am not going to delete the post yet. What is it about marriages and me that corrodes so explosively? Or relationships for that matter? I'm a guy, let's get that straight first and whatever that may imply, you can let it. I like women, I love women. I'm a first class flirt and have been for years. It is fun, delightful, delicious and the effects and results are scintillating, brilliant and momentarily validating. It's that last part that is the root of my darkest and scariest trimmings. I find the external pleasure a mask to comfort the innermost, fraidy-cat, unwanted Pherby. No, I'm not going to say "my inner child"! Fuck that, he is a bratty, screaming, spastic, demanding, egotistical Tasmanian imp! A whirling dervish! Ooohh, I always wanted to use that adjective! So my little internal validation is vacuous and timid. It takes whatever scraps that it can suck up from the floor, without shame, without dignity. I know, I'm SO dramatic. Spend a month in my family and you'll know where it comes from. That is a comfort also. The DRAMA of it all! Oh, for swear and for knocked up nuisances (with the back of your hand on your forehead), please GOD, blast these damn, ungrateful little backstabbing pricks of misery that always PHUCK with my fantastic and worldly plans! Don't they know who I AM?!? Oh yeah, the drama juices are flowing now.
Where was I? Remember, the bipolar part of me...maybe it's really ADHD afterall? Maybe it's both! Yay! Oh yeah, my mental-pause inner validation crisis. It's all life really. Isn't it? Isn't this just me thinking that everyone else is living the dream, happy as a clam in Fiji and I'm the only one not getting it? Is that it? Do you ever look at people in other cars passing by so quickly and realize, no matter who they are, that they have their worldly stories too? The dramas, the emotional nightmares, the fucked up family issues, the STORIES that they can tell? I do and I try to imagine my place on this planet. I'm just one of many here folks. I guess that is the reason for these blogs. To let us know that we are all drops that make up the big fucking river of life TOGETHER. My validation has to accept that. I don't need to know the answers I guess, just to notice the "Do Not Enter" signs and comply. Hmmm. How about that?

posted by Pher @ 7:19 AM