Phermoans

Ha Ha ha!

I don't necessarily write on here for any comments but I don't mind them! It's funny that the very few that I get, spammed comments have appeared in my blog! I've read so many of the blogs of the friends of my sister, TanyaKristine, and I never see any spam on their boards. It cracks me up!
I do thank my sister and her friends that occasionally drop by. I like the variety.
The latest feeling on my drug withdrawel is GOOD! I feel more focused and energized. I was always falling asleep at work, sleeping after work, going to bed early, etc... It isn't a good feeling being the oldest guy at work and falling asleep. Oh, the pain of the eldered ostracism! I do feel that I have crafted better coping skills in the past few weeks or rather the grip is easier to find than before. You know what I mean? The occasional social faux pas doesn't constitute a bid for suicide anymore. Well it was never that intense for that kind of stuff. =) It seems as if I was traveling in a fog in hindsight. I still get the occasional dizzying electrical impulses.
Oh god, I got a migraine on Monday that almost blinded me. It was coming on for two days and when it finally landed it was lights out for the entire day! I actually fell asleep driving home and missed my exit! Yikes. That's not good practice for a happy retirement. It hit the right side of my head and wrenched it. I could smell metal through my right nostril, my right eye was ultra sensitive to light and motion, any noise (like talking) took a toll also. Thank god for Vicodin! I have to wonder if that is a symptom of weaning or just a fluke. I've never really had migraine's but I do have a history of kill kill headaches all my life.
I have to yet tell my psych that I'm ditching this medication. I'm sure he'll be a bit disappointed. It is just so time for me to find out if my little mind can go out on its own now.
You know what I question? Is that it seems so preponderous that social skills are so difficult. Is it my expectations? Not just the little encounters between friends and such but the emotional impact that my head nurtures. It is a form of social suicide for me. I've been such a people pleaser for so long that I breathe it. When it comes to women, oh god, I'm such a tool. I love women! But the problem is that I want all of them to LOVE ME! Well, as you can imagine, this has caused some issues. Part of the stuff I wonder about is can people really fundamentally change? There are faults and defects that have to amended to fit in socially but do they eventually melt away? Do they only diminish? I think it would be okay to always have them, be aware of them, not to act on them because of experience. In that sense you always know how good you have it. Reference points for successes in your life. It's a big world with lots of problems, if I can make my little corner of it pleasant from lessons learned, that's a good life.

posted by Pher @ 6:24 AM